when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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