I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
