ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
In America we eat man semen.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sober January is a disaster.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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