Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
