How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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