I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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