I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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