It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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