Everything about him screamed your future.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
