I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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