she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
