The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
