Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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