I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You took a bar mat shot.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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