What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
