Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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