i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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