Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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