You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
