the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
