Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Randomize
