She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
