Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
