I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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