before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
