so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
