Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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