She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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