Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
