According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
