I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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