dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
