would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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