So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
