i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
