it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
