this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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