I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I did not marry a roomba.
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