Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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