Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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