He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
