The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
