he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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