I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
