marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
