Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
