I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
