I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
