; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
