Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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